The Legend of the Gobbo's
The Gobbo's were a short, furry people, politely described as 'gerbil-esque.' One historian claimed they were highly advanced, though he was a Gobbo who made numerous grammatical errors and misspelled 'Gobbo.' In reality, they were a simple people whose greatest inventions were edible deodorant and the Wind-Powered Cow Moistener.
In over two thousand years, the Gobbo's only sent three to college, two of whom were returned postage due. They were not the sharpest pins in the cushion, but they were incredibly lovable. So lovable that they often kept each other as pets. However, their kind-hearted innocence set in motion a chain of events leading to a terrifying fate.
Those with heart conditions may wish to stop reading now, although it is really not that frightening.
A Crocodile is Found
It all started one morning in the third month of the Year of the Soup Spoon. King Rufus the Intolerant, ruler of the Gobbo's, was watching the sunrise by the riverbank. He had just sighed in relief that the sun had returned when a small basket floated ashore.
The King and his subjects huddled around the basket to find a baby crocodile inside. They assumed he was the early leader in the Annual Midget Crocodile Basket Race, though such an event never existed. Many Gobbos placed bets just to be safe. After hours passed with no other baskets appearing, they decided the race had likely been called off.
At first wary, the Gobbos were won over by the reptile's vulnerability and inquisitive nature. King Rufus decided they would raise the crocodile as one of their own. They fell in love with their new charge, eventually naming him “Croc,” though some still called him “Mr. Fun Socks” or “Choo Choo McBoogie.”
Croc learned quickly, surprising his friends with how Gobbo-like he was. He could sing their anthem backwards and forwards, winning every dance contest he entered. He never considered eating a Gobbo, considering himself one of their own. Thus, a time of great joy reigned in Gobbo Valley.
Then, Croc grew.
Croc is a Gobbo No More
In one fantastic growth spurt, Croc grew as tall as three Gobbos stacked on top of each other. He started eating like crazy, consuming over one hundred and fifty buckets of peas for breakfast alone.
While walking, he accidentally smashed through buildings and tripped over homes. Simple games of pattycake led to multiple contusions and internal bleeding. Despite his friends' efforts to brush off these accidents, Croc began to feel out of place.
Just as Croc decided to take action, a Gobbo ran past screaming, “Dantinis!!!” Trouble Comes to Gobbo Valley
The Gobbos had long told stories of the Dantinis, a band of villains known for ruthless burning, wanton looting, and marvelous singing voices. Worse still, Baron Dante, King of all villains, could not be far behind.
Baron Dante was stronger than a thousand Dantinis and harbored a long-established hatred for all things Gobbo. Seeing the Gobbos and Croc being blissfully happy, he decided it was time for them to suffer. The valley swarmed with Dantinis who captured Gobbos and threw them into cages.
King Rufus knew he had to save Croc. He tailswiped the Gong in the village center, summoning Beany the Bird. He instructed her to whisk Croc away to safety, telling him, “You're our only hope.” Beany spirited Croc away in a shower of Magical Sparklies just as Baron Dante snatched up the king.
Croc Realizes His Calling
Baron Dante had taken over Gabbo Valley, using his magic to turn good creatures into horrific monsters. He stashed Gobbos under Dantini guard throughout his kingdom for taunting or entertainment. The highly social Gobbos were distraught at being separated.
King Rufus was kept as a personal pet in the castle, taunted day and night. He consoled himself knowing Croc was out of the Baron's reach. Meanwhile, Croc and Beany watched their homeland turn into Dante's playground.
Beany told Croc he must act, but he was confused. Beany grabbed him by his backpack straps and shook him. “You're the only chance they have. You must help! Can you imagine what it's like for a Gabbo being all alone?”
Croc sniffed. He could easily imagine it, feeling more alone than ever before. Straightening himself up, he agreed, “All right! But I'm going to need your help.”
The legend becomes fuzzy from this point. Historians are unsure if Croc was actually successful in saving his friends. However, one thing is certain: from that point on, he became the greatest champion the Gobbos ever had.
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The Year of the Soup Spoon: At the start of each year, the Gobbo high priestess announced the kitchen utensil that brought good luck when put down their pants. Some questioned the practice during the Year of the Electric Can Opener.
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King Rufus the Intolerant: His full name was King Rufus the Lactose Intolerant. People far and wide feared his name alone, but the Gobbos only feared him after eating a big bowl of cottage cheese.
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The Dantini Glee Club: They would have won all big choral contests had they not been disqualified for eating the judges.